Freedom
by Fee Neex
Summary: Kikyo thinks of freedom. Weird story, no plot, bad summary. Story much better. -one-shot-


Disclaimer- I do not own Inuyasha or any of the characters associated with it. Any resemblances to any other fanfictions are coincidence, and not meant on purpose.

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A/N- Hey, first off, I didn't write this. An… _acquaintance_… of mine, Avaeya, did. So when you review, review to Avaeya.

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_If I fall, will you pick me back up?_

_If I can't see, will you look for me?_

_If I scream, will you listen?_

_If I close my eyes, will you open them once more?_

_If I say the words "I love you", will you say them back?_

_If I die tomorrow, will you remember me?_

_If I kill you, will you hate me?_

_If I go to Hell, will you come with me?_

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It was a beautiful day, the skies a dazzling, vivid blue, the clouds a soft, dreamy white that floated lazily around. The grass was a bright emerald that felt cool to the slim hand that slightly skimmed it.

Dark, fathomless brown eyes looked up to the heavens. It wasn't a place she would visit anytime.

'Can I stay here forever? I want to… I want to so badly… I don't want to have to face the world and all it's troubles… I just want to be free…"

She raised her arms and stretched them to the sky, as if asking it to take her up, away.

She let her arms fall slowly after a while, and could feel tears start in her eyes. She wouldn't let them fall though, she didn't want weakness to invade her. She ignored the fact that it was already there.

A voice said her name, softly, soothingly. She didn't turn; she knew who was calling her name in a voice that was sad, but relieved at the same time. She didn't answer him.

"Look at me…"

She waved a hand at him, still showing him her back. She walked forward, never taking her eyes off the sky that taunted her.

'I hate what I've become. Everything I am now tarnishes and mocks everything I worked for fifty years before… And in a way, I also love it… Not having any more responsibilities, not having to act a certain way, say certain things.'

She absently felt strong arms wrap around her. It didn't register with her.

'I am dead, a dead soul. People despise me now, and they always will… I feel guilty, slightly… But I cannot deny that I am also outraged. I have done nothing, nothing. I am just… here.'

"Why won't you face me?"

She spoke for the first time. "Because I have nothing to say to you."

It was harsh, yes, but exactly true. There was nothing to say to him. She had no news she wished to inform him of, she had no tales to tell him, she had no dreams she wished him to share with him.

The arms left her body. She felt a sense of relief. In a way, it had felt as though the arms had been chaining her, taking away what little freedom she had left to her.

"I love you." She said the words simply with no drama, no emotion.

"I don't know if I can believe you."

She cocked her head. The sky was just _so_ bright. It burned her eyes. It was a feeling she welcomed. It meant that she was alive, in a small way. Something tied her to the world of her lover.

"Why can't you believe me?"

"You tried to take me to hell. It's not something I can forgive you for."

"Forever?" She hated the slight tremor in hr voice. She should make _him_ suffer, make _him_ cry… But it never worked… It was always _her_. _She_ always ended up feeling as if someone had dropped a boulder on her body.

"I don't know."

"Why do you keep seeing me? Why do you keep coming to talk with me?"

"Because I… Because I loved you… And I can't figure out if I still do, and why."

"You can't love me… I tried to kill you…"

She felt as if her mind was twisting, convulsing, closing in itself. Was this madness? Was this madness?

"I know that! I know!

"But I just can't make myself hate you."

She closed her eyes and imagined herself flying high, high above the land. High above her troubles, high above the madness. Then, of course, the inevitable image of her dropping down, dropping face first into the ground, came charging into her mind.

'Am I always to die? Even in my own mind, my _own_ thoughts, am I to die? Without anyone knowing of my passage, of my death?'

"You should hate me. Everybody else does. And I'm not trying to be pitiful, to make you feel bad. It is just how things are. There is no help for it. I am hated. What I cannot understand is, why? What have I done to have them hate me so?"

"You tried to take me to hell! Why the hell do you think they hate you!"

"But then, why do they love _you_ so? What is so great about you that makes them protect you?"

She knew that answer. She didn't have to ask. There was just something about him… It drew people to him, even when he didn't want them. There was an innocence to him, a naïveté and also an air of dangerous cunning. It made people curious to see all the contradictory feelings he sent out.

"How should I know! I didn't _want_ them to be with me! They just… came…"

She turned around for the first time and looked at her former lover. He stood tall, white hair waving in the breeze. His amber eyes flashed at her, full of the warmth and life she knew she would never have.

"I love you…" she whispered again. She stepped close to him and placed a kiss on his lips. He held himself still, and didn't try to kiss her back.

She pulled away, and smiled ruefully. She had known he wouldn't kiss her back, but she had just wanted to feel his life, just once.

"I'm leaving you."

"What?"

"I'm leaving you. I can't stay with you any longer."

"You were never with me in the first place!"

"Yes, I was. Not in spirit maybe, but in heart. Your heart belongs tome. Its life gives me life. But I can't stay any more."

"Why?"

"I can't have life. I can't love you. I can say the words, but I can't _feel_ it."

"Did you ever?"

"Yes. I did. I loved you with all my heart."

"You tried so hard to get me back, why are you leaving now?"

"I just realized how futile it is. You will not go to hell with me, and your girl will not let you either. I am wise enough to know when I can no longer do anything to steer your decisions. So I am leaving."

"Where will you go?"

"…"

She put her back to him, and raised her hands once more to the skies. "I'm dying."

"You're already dead!"

"I'm dying again. I can feel the souls; they can no longer sustain me. They slip out of my body; I cannot make them stay. Soon, I shall be dirt and clay once more."

"…"

She walked away, not once looking back at him. She walked straight, not having a foot out of the line in her head. She walked to death.

He realized too late that they were on a cliff, and yelled her name and leaped forward just as her body plummeted of the edge.

'I… Am free…'

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Yes, it was weird, and no, Avaeya won't get mad if you didn't understand. Remember, reviews to Avaeya! And I'm working on updating my stories as we speak. 


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